Saturday, January 9, 2010

Star Trek 'Potpourri' Spotlight- Nutcrackers
(Yes, that's right. Nutcrackers.)



Item Name: Star Trek Nutcrackers
Manufacturer: Kurt Adler



These nutcrackers were released for the 2009 holiday season in the "universal" Star Trek packaging... each sold separately of course.

The Rundown: I never thought I'd get to the point when I'd buy a Trek item and I'd think to myself "that's it... I have officially crossed the line... I really will buy anything that they slap the Trek name on". Ladies & Gentlemen, meet that item- The Kurt Adler Star Trek Nutcrackers.



When I first saw pics of these, I thought they looked pretty ridiculous. Ridiculous enough that I had to have them. I could just imagine the attention these things would get when my friends and family came by for visits! Their absolute quirkiness would make them immediate attention-grabbers and conversation-starters, right!?!?



Wrong. The only conversations these things are going to start are either:

A.) "Wow, those are pretty craptastic, aren't they?"
B.) "Did your kids make those?"
C.) "Did you lose a bet?"
D.) "Man, you gotta have some pretty small nuts to fit in those things."



You're probably starting to think that I was less than impressed with these. You would be right. Available in either 4" or 11" version, stupid me went the more expensive route and choose the big ones. Which pretty much means I got a larger version of suck.

Let's take a look at these turds.



First up is Kirk. Take a look at that head sculpt folks! Kinda reminds me of the Art Asylum head. Well, it would if you took the Art Asylum head and made it bigger, crappier, more-bootleggy, and painted it about ten times worse. There's no reason that this head should look this bad at this size and at this price.

Oh, I didn't mention the price yet! These babies have a MSRP of $40. EACH.



Nutcrackin' Kirk comes equipped with a poorly painted communicator stuck to his right hand. This pic also illustrates the poor job Adler did on the rank braids. The folks at Adler just glued some material onto the wrists instead of painting them on. The effect wouldn't be so bad if they hadn't applied them in such a sloppy, ham-handed manner. Yuck. The paint is just as bad as the braids too, with multiple smears and scratches all over each figure.



"It is illogical to leave your nuts in their shells Captain. Allow me to assist you." Spock fares a bit better in the head department, but the sculpt still isn't something I'd use words like "good", "okay", or even "decent" on.



Spock is (of course) sporting the Vulcan salute hand. It follows the same level of craftsmanship evident on the rank braids with excessive gobs of glue oozing out from the wrist. $40 folks. Forty. Dollars.



Just as Kirk comes packing a communicator, Spock comes equipped with his trusty tricorder. The tricorder is permanently strapped over his shoulder, which makes moving the lever in the back next to impossible. Well, it would have been impossible had my tricorder straps still been attached when I opened mine. They weren't. I had to stick one to the side of the tricorder using double-sided tape just for these pictures.



So they pretty much stink as display pieces, but what about for the intended use of cracking nuts? Uh, no. As you can see by the pic above, you can't fit much in the little recess intended for the nut. I have absolutely no idea what kind of nut is going to fit in there, and I shudder to think about the uselessness of the 4" version.

That whole paragraph felt really dirty. I apologize.

I just can't even keep going with these. I won't even give them that satisfaction of any more pictures. No closing pic for you Star Trek Nutcrackers, just bitter thoughts. This was my first Adler Trek purchase, and it will undoubtedly be my last. A prime example of a company slapping the Star Trek name on absolute crap and charging a mint for it. Avoid like the plague.

-James

3 comments:

  1. That review "cracked" me up!

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  2. This just goes to show that what they thought was right: "Why bother with quality? These fanatics will by ANYTHING, and I mean ANYTHING with Star Trek painted on it! Now finish slopping on the paint and ship them, some sucker is waiting to give us his money!"

    And you fell right into their plan.

    ReplyDelete
  3. "Hi, I'm James and I'm an addict."

    They got me Frederick. They got me good.

    ReplyDelete